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Our School
圖為上海102中學平面圖（diagram），請將此圖用英語作具體說明，以便于參觀者了解該校的校園風貌。詞數(shù)：120左右。
說明：A. 學校大門B. 圖書館C. 花池D. 實驗樓E. 教學樓（四層，兩頭為教師辦公室）F. 食堂G. 操場（校園四周均為樹木）
習作評析（4）
習作題目
圖為上海102中學平面圖（diagram），請將此圖用英語作具體說明，以便于參觀者了解該校的校園風貌。詞數(shù)：120左右。
說明：A. 學校大門B. 圖書館C. 花池D. 實驗樓E. 教學樓（四層，兩頭為教師辦公室）F. 食堂G. 操場（校園四周均為樹木）
學生原文
Our School
Ladies and Gentlemen,
This is the diagram of Shanghai No. 102 Middle School. It is 720 meters long and 480 meters wide. It is a pretty large middle school.
Its gate faces south. When you enter into(1) gate, a beautiful flower garden comes into your view. Here are various plants and flowers and also a pool of(2) green water and fish swimming free(3) . On the left of the garden is the school library building and on the right, the lab building. Go further ∧(4) you will see a four-storeyed teaching building standing in the middle of the school. It is teaching office (5) at both ends. Behind the teaching building is a large playground and besides (6) the playground is the dining hall. Trees are planted all around the school. How beautiful the school looks! Welcome to visit our school.
修改說明
（1）enter為及物動詞，應直接跟賓語，去掉into。
（2）green water屬定語部分，所以of應改為with。
（3）swim為行為動詞，應用副詞修飾，free應改為freely。
（4）祈使句表條件時，應用and或then引導連接結(jié)果分句。
（5）根據(jù)語境，office應改為復數(shù)形式offices。
（6）表“在……旁邊”應用beside而不用besides。
修改后的文章
Our School
Ladies and Gentlemen,
This is the diagram of Shanghai No. 102 Middle School. It is 720 meters long and 480 meters wide. It is pretty large middle school.
Its gate faces south. When you enter the gate, a beautiful flower garden comes into your view. Here are various plants and flowers and also a pool with green water and fish swimming freely.
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