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遠(yuǎn)離負(fù)面情緒 怒火撲救指南
Picture this: you're pumped to start your work day with a cup of coffee, when you see that your jerk co-worker has left the break room in shambles: grounds everywhere, dish soap oozing on the counter, half-opened sugar packets on the floor by the trash.
我們不妨設(shè)想一下這樣一個情景：你正精神抖擻，打算給自己來杯咖啡，好開始一天的工作。然而，當(dāng)你走進(jìn)休息室，卻發(fā)現(xiàn)里面已經(jīng)被邋遢同事弄得一片狼藉——到處都是咖啡渣，香皂盒里滿是香皂液，甚至都溢到了洗手臺上，地面垃圾遍布，已經(jīng)打開的糖包散落其間……
So frustrating. And if you're like most of us, the first thing you want to do is blow off steam. We think of venting as a transfer of heat; as "blowing off steam," meaning anger, which would otherwise stay inside, creating pressure which could cause us to explode at an inopportune moment. Venting is different than complaining, which means voicing a concern with the goal of changing something or addressing the cause of the problem.
這種事情實在讓人無法忍受。如果和大多數(shù)人一樣，你的第一反應(yīng)肯定是大發(fā)雷霆。其實，發(fā)泄是一種能量的傳遞，想“大發(fā)脾氣”是因為有怒火在胸中燃燒，如果不釋放出來就會不斷累積，直到最后某個時機(jī)一股腦爆發(fā)出來。發(fā)泄怒火和抱怨是兩回事，抱怨的含義更多在于表達(dá)某種擔(dān)憂，而最終目的是想做出改變或解決問題。
You can get a kind of warped satisfaction from talking about being angry without necessarily wanting to change the circumstances that trigger that emotion. But research suggests that venting anger doesn't get rid of it. Instead, it amplifies those negative feelings.
有些人往往只是單純地發(fā)泄怒火來得到某種畸形的快感，而不去找出怒火的源頭，想辦法改善不如意的情況。但研究表明，發(fā)脾氣并不會使怒氣消失，反而會激化負(fù)面情緒。
There are some obvious downsides to showing your anger in this way -- some studies suggest that angry people tend to be at greater risk for heart disease. But besides the larger health risks, fuming employees can corrode a workplace environment.
這種以發(fā)脾氣來發(fā)泄怒火的方式有一些明顯的弊端——諸多研究表明，脾氣火爆的人更容易得心臟病。但除了健康上的危害，愛發(fā)脾氣的員工還會破壞工作環(huán)境。
Even so, venting is an office staple. The average employee either vents or hears someone else vent about four times a day, according to Kristin Behfar, a professor of business administration at the University of Virginia's Darden School of Business. "Most papers on venting find that it's negative, but they stop there. They don't find what the listener does," Behfar says. So she and her colleagues worked on a study, currently under review, that looks at the best way to mitigate the damaging effects of venting.
即便如此，發(fā)泄怒火仍然是職場上的家常便飯。美國弗吉尼亞大學(xué)達(dá)頓商學(xué)院工商管理學(xué)教授克里斯汀-貝法爾說，平均每位員工每天發(fā)火或者目睹同事發(fā)火的次數(shù)可達(dá)四次�！按蟛糠盅芯慷贾痪窒拊谧C明發(fā)泄怒火的負(fù)面效應(yīng)，而沒有作更深入的研究。這些研究并沒有關(guān)注聽眾的行為�！必惙柡退耐逻M(jìn)行了一項研究，力圖尋找最佳方法來減輕發(fā)泄怒火所帶來的破壞性影響，目前該研究正處于歸納總結(jié)階段。
The worst thing a listener can do, the researchers found, is agree with an angry co-worker. "When you feed the flame, it burns longer," says Brad Bushman, an anger expert at Ohio State University's School of Communication. "Listeners who agree are just keeping angry feelings alive when the key is to let them die."
研究人員發(fā)現(xiàn)，聽眾最糟糕的行為就是對怒火中燒的同事表示認(rèn)同�！耙坏┲L了別人的怒火，它就會燃燒得更長久，”俄亥俄州立大學(xué)傳播學(xué)院研究“憤怒情緒”的專家布拉德-布西曼說。“聽眾一旦表示認(rèn)同，發(fā)泄者的憤怒情緒就會持續(xù)，但解決問題的關(guān)鍵卻在于熄滅怒火�！�
Listeners can diffuse destructive venting, but it can be difficult to do at work. First off, a small percentage of employees probably enjoy venting for the sake of it and may not care about the consequences, Behfar says. In that case, there's little a listener can do.
實際上，聽眾可以平息消極的怒火，但在工作時卻不太容易實現(xiàn)。首先，有一小部分員工可能只是為了發(fā)泄而不計后果地發(fā)脾氣，貝法爾說。在這種情況下，聽眾就無計可施。
Venting at work is particularly prevalent because the hierarchy at many offices can make people feel like their hands are tied. Very few among us enjoy confronting someone with an issue, especially if the issue stems from an authority figure. Instead, most of us vent to likeable people who tend to agree with us. Unfortunately, complaining to people that we trust can keep our anger alive longer.
許多公司的層級制度使員工感到束手束腳，因此上班時發(fā)泄怒火就成了司空見慣的事。很少有人喜歡和別人就某一問題而針鋒相對，特別是如果挑起事端的是公司里的權(quán)威人物。相反，人們喜歡找關(guān)系不錯的人來發(fā)泄一通，原因是他們大多會同意自己的想法。然而，不幸的是，向信任的人訴苦只會讓我們的怒火燃燒得更久。
"The danger is that if you get a response that confirms a negative emotion, you can become a brooder," Behfar says. The brooder: another negative office personality, perhaps even worse than break room mess guy.
“危險在于，當(dāng)你的負(fù)面情緒得到了認(rèn)可，你就可能變成‘牢騷精’，”貝爾法說，“牢騷精”是另一種辦公室人格，比休息室“破壞者”更惡劣。
The best way to keep from egging on an upset person, Behfar found, is to offer a new take on a frustrating situation, or provide context that can help convince a co-worker that the problem isn't that big of a deal.
貝爾法發(fā)現(xiàn)，要避免給一個正在發(fā)脾氣的人火上澆油，最好是針對不利情況提出一個全新的見解，或者幫助他重新分析環(huán)境，使他相信問題也許沒有想象的那么嚴(yán)重。
It's a rather anti-climatic way to cope with such a powerful feeling, and being told to calm down can deflate the rush that comes with feeling angry, which some people like. In fact, a couple of years ago, a producer for talk show The View called Bushman as a potential guest who would teach four angry women, the show's hosts, how best to vent. That would be the worst thing he could do, Bushman told the producer. The best way to deal with anger isn't to vent it or bottle it, he said, but address the emotion and then tone it down.
處理這樣一種激烈的情緒，最好的方法是給它降降溫，或許這一點(diǎn)與現(xiàn)在全球變暖的趨勢背道而馳。勸說氣頭上的人冷靜下來有助于釋放發(fā)泄者的憤怒情緒，避免發(fā)泄者做出沖動的行為。事實上，在幾年前，脫口秀節(jié)目《觀點(diǎn)》的制作人曾有意邀請布西曼作為嘉賓，為該節(jié)目四位暴躁的女主持人傳授發(fā)泄怒火的最佳方法。布西曼向這位制作人坦言，他不愿意這樣做。他說，處理憤怒的最佳途徑不是發(fā)泄也不是壓抑，而是正確地疏導(dǎo)、緩和憤怒的情緒。
Some good methods include counting to 10, diverting angry thoughts with an activity such as a crossword puzzle, or doing something that makes it hard for even the biggest hot heads to stay enraged, like petting a puppy.
從一數(shù)到十是個不錯的方法;除此之外，也可以把憤怒的情緒轉(zhuǎn)移到其他活動上，比如填字游戲，或一些即使是最火爆的“暴脾氣”也無法燃起怒火的事情，比如撫摸撫摸小狗。
Those activities would not make for good television, the producer said, and Bushman was not invited on the show.
但這位制作人稱，這些活動無助于提高收視率，布西曼因此并沒有受邀參加這檔節(jié)目。
But the tactics Bushman suggested can be more productive ways to address anger than merely letting it all out to a colleague. So the next time you want to tell your co-worker about the coffee room disaster zone, make sure you find someone who will offer you new insight, or just tell you to calm down. That, or keep plenty of puppies handy.
但相比對著同事大發(fā)脾氣而言，布西曼的方法卻是應(yīng)對憤怒的良策。所以，下次你因為休息室一片狼藉打算找個同事發(fā)牢騷時，最好找一個視角獨(dú)到的人，或者找一個能幫你冷靜下來的人。要不然，就帶幾只小狗在身邊吧。
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